yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
