The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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