Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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