I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
