she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
