can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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