i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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