Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the condom got lost in my hair
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
