THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
