carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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