HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
