in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
