My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Alive.
So much puke
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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