It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
