Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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