new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
