So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
a search helicopter?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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