Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
