Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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