i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
