you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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