My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize