can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
