guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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