Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
