Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
