Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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