i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize