Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
