shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
