"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
