we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
