Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
