When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
