I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
