We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize