Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
