When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
