sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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