i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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