we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
