Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
