OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize