you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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