I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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