Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
