About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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