i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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