Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
