Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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