Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
