You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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