i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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