Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
