In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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