this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
