I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
