with your own penis?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
