i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
