soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
