I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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