I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The adults are the big ones right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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