i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
