You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
