then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
