Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
