I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize