Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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