my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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